What A Human Can Do
by Opt281
Summary: The story of a young man, a time loop, and the secret world that he discovers while trying to escape it.   Correction of story to include information revealed in episodes 11 and 12 would require a complete rewrite.
1. Is it so wrong to believe in miracles?

_In the days when the internet was young and the fanfiction already old, it was traditional to begin with a disclaimer. Therefore I disclaim: Puella Magi Madoka Magica is the greatest anime to air in this Winter season of 2011, and it is most assuredly not mine. Proper credit belongs to production studios SHAFT and Aniplex, director Akiyuki Shinbo, and writer Gen Urobuchi. I further suggest that if you haven't watched it to at least episode 10, the most recent episode as of this posting, go and experience the story of Kaname Madoka and her friends as it was meant to be seen. Spoilers aside, I didn't write this with the intent of having it be fully understandable by people who are not fans of the show. I further submit that I have transgressed against the domain of fanfiction: First, by writing fanfiction. Second, by writing fanfiction with a new character not of the canon. Third, by writing fanfiction in the first person voice of said non-canonical character. And then, possibly due to fevered insanity, I decided to post it anyway._

I feel that I should say this first: I, Yuzuru Reiji, definitely am not insane.

**Saturday April 9, 2011, third time.**

Time is repeating. For at least two times now, in the afternoon of Wed. 4/13/11, the future has become the past. Starting from that time, my position and physical state, along with everyone and everything in the world so far as I can tell, returns to where they were on the morning of Wed. 3/16/11, and proceeds to enact very much the same actions over and over. I have attended the exact same lessons, eaten the exact same meals, overheard the exact same gossip, and taken the exact same tests with each repetition.

Time is also not repeating. While everyone around me is the same, I am changing. While I would be lying if I claimed to have anything like a perfect memory, I would be a sorry excuse for a man if I couldn't repeat the same lessons with better results, and my test scores have definitely gone up. I might even be confident of my test score beating our class's curve breaker this time around, but she is also an exception.

It would not be fair to introduce Tomoe Mami without mentioning that she is a beautiful girl, blonde, large breasts, in addition to regularly getting the best test scores of our class. She's a member of the go-home club, and any boy who confesses to her gets shot down. Ordinarily, that would be all I should need to say. I would be quite a happy man if she also knew that time was repeating, because then I might have a chance with her.

Unfortunately, the reason I can't beat her test score this time is because she didn't take the test. Tomoe hasn't been in class or seen at all since Thursday. Last time around she missed getting the test results that will come out on Monday, and the first time, when I still had no idea that time was about to loop back on itself, the teacher called her to the front of the class to announce her score.

There's no reason I can see that anything should happen to her, and before she stopped coming to school this time, I at least managed to catch her alone and ask her if she'd had anything like deja vu or memories that didn't match up with reality. She thought it was a pretty lame pick up line, but I guess that answered the question I was really asking too. I can't imagine any reason why only she would stop coming to school on a different day when nothing else has changed aside from that one guy in second year getting out of the hospital, maybe. It was big news with the girls because he's supposed to be some hotshot musician or something. I'm not sure whether that's happened before or if I just wasn't paying attention.

I'm going to try sneaking a peak at the school registry and dropping by her house. It's probably nothing, but it's the only clue I've got.

**Sunday April 10, 2011, third time.**

She wasn't home. I ran into a couple of girls from the lower class who must have been friends of hers. They didn't know where she disappeared to, and they believed me when I said the teacher asked me to check on her.

Well, at least if time doesn't turn back again, I won't have made them suspicious.

**Wednesday March 16, 2011, fourth time.**

Damn. Talking to her didn't help, and looking for her after she vanished was a lame idea to begin with. I shouldn't need to say this, but I didn't find a single clue in the last three days. But Tomoe Mami is still my only clue, so this time I'll get close to her even if it kills me!

**Friday March 18, 2011, fourth time.**

I guess it should go without saying that my love confession didn't work. I thought I'd practiced enough to sound serious about it, but I wasn't really expecting that she'd accept me after blowing off so many before me. But at least now if she catches me following her, I can say that I tried the straightforward approach first.

Pretty sure she's avoiding me now, or at least I haven't been able to catch her on her way out of school since she rejected me. I'm going to have to step things up, even though I'm certain to be misunderstood. No, I need to be honest with myself here. I'm going to stalk her, and there's a lot of good reasons I shouldn't do it. Suppose there's nothing to learn, and time doesn't repeat this time, and I'm left with a serious crime on my record?

Perhaps I am a little crazy after all. If it comes to that, I hope my future self will forgive me.

**Wednesday March 23, 2011, fourth time.**

Stalking isn't as easy as it looks on tv. Maybe I stick out like a white whale on a black background, or maybe she's just slicker than a greased eel. I'd like to think that I'm not completely incompetent, though I've never done it before.

I tried another confession, with no greater success. "Blinded by the sun, Yuzuru Reiji forgets that her heart is of ice," according to that bastard Takenomiya who calls himself my friend. Don't think I won't rub it in when you humiliate yourself in front of that transfer student for the fourth time running. It's not like either of you know that you've done it before, though.

**Saturday March 26, 2011, fourth time.**

I suppose it was naive of me to think everything would repeat exactly. I made the mistake of teasing Takenomiya about that incident that should have happened, but apparently the transfer student never came to school this time. If I can't learn anything from Tomoe, at least this might be another clue. Maybe there's a serial killer who is experiencing the same repeating month that I am, but for some reason always targets Tomoe near the end? That's horribly morbid. It would be explanation enough to suppose that the random seed isn't being preserved with respect to some details.

I feel like I'd lose something if I let myself be satisfied with that. Someone who can write off a person's entire existence as a random event, can he really be called a man? For just this one day, I forgo stalking Tomoe to break into the school records as I did when she disappeared last time. It seems the transfer student was meant to arrive, but simply didn't come to school. Her address is on record, but Tomoe is still my best lead. I, Yuzuru Reiji, swear I will solve this mystery and escape from this time loop!

**Sunday March 27, 2011, fourth time.**

At last she let her guard down. Having not been followed from anywhere except school, and since I haven't visited her at home since the last reset, of course she never imagined that I was waiting for her to leave. Not sure what to think of what I did find, though. It seems she has some sort of egg-shaped knicknack that she holds in front of her and follows it around like it's leading her somewhere. Dowsing? Some sort of wierd cult? I worried about following her when she started going into construction sites and condemned buildings. In the middle of one site, where there was basically nowhere she should have been able to run away to, she somehow lost me. I should feel worse that she ditched me again. I'm actually more afraid that she's mixed up in something horrible.

But it's a clue! It may not even be the right puzzle, but I now have a second piece! It's all I can do to contain my excitement. Tomorrow, I'll visit her at home.

**Monday March 28, 2011, fourth time.**

Fail. I waited outside her apartment until well after dark before she returned. Whether she extended her ritual for some reason or simply did something else, I have no idea. I'm probably lucky that she decided just to confront me instead of calling the cops.

"You just don't know when to give up, do you? I'm sorry, Yuzuru-kun, but I don't have any particular interest in you. And don't you think your recent behavior has been disgusting?"

"I'll be the first to admit that my actions have been extreme, and I'm sorry if I have offended you, but my motivations have been extreme as well. I've already told you that you are beautiful, and even now I feel you are no less than the Golden Sun of Class 3-1, but the truth is that your beauty, grace, and intelligence amount only to half- no, less than half of the reason I've been stalking you!"

"So you admit to stalking me?"

"I see no reason not to call it what it is. I've been unfair to you, but I need you to hear me out. Recently, I've been having dreams of things that happen in the future. Dreams that come true." Okay, technically not the truth, but she hadn't believed the truth when I told it. "And in one of those dreams you disappear without a trace. I didn't want to believe it, but after watching you closely, I can only conclude that you're involved in something horribly dangerous. If there's something I can do to help you, no matter when, no matter what, I'd like for you to think of me as someone you can turn to."

She's got a good poker face, but I think I saw her slip when I mentioned danger. If I hadn't basically confirmed it already, I'd have been all over it. Given what came next, however...

"You want me to believe that you can see the future? That I would just disappear and you think you can save me? Even as a joke, that would be going too far! Just who do you think you are, Yuzuru Reiji-kun?"

"I am a young man who has been granted a miraculous chance to change the future of a beautiful girl. Is it so wrong to believe in miracles?"

Now that, that really pissed her off.

"Miracles? Miracles? How dare you think even for a moment that someone would grant a miracle to a lying piece of trash like you?" That cliche about getting slapped by a girl? Totally underrated. Try having one punch you in the face. "We may have to see each other at school, but never speak to me again!"

My parents weren't happy when I came home late with a broken nose. I told them I was attacked by a strange drunk. I may be a lying piece of trash, but I'm not stupid. I'm going to find out what that girl is involved in whether she likes it or not.

**Friday March 31, 2011, fourth time.**

"Tomoe-san?" No way. "Has anyone heard from Tomoe-san today?" I knew it might happen sooner, but this is too soon. I need to- I need to-

"I need to go." "Yuzuru Reiji-kun, what do you think you're doing?" "Skipping!"

Maybe it's already too late, but I have to know. Tomoe Mami, why do you disappear? At least let me know what's happening!


	2. Care to explain yourself?

**Wednesday March 16, 2011, fifth time.**

I never intended to find out, but dying did not break the time loop. This is what happened from the time I left class to when I died:

Getting out of the school was no problem. I don't think anyone tried to stop me, and I might have looked a little crazy sprinting down the stairs and out the gates as if I was on fire. I mean, if you see someone crazy you don't go out of your way to get involved with them, right?

Once I was out, I slowed down to a more sustainable pace. Tomoe's apartment is about a kilometer away from the school, and as urgently as I wanted to be there, I knew I'd exhaust myself less than halfway there if I kept up top speed. I wasn't really expecting she'd be there anyway.

I shouldn't blame myself. It's possible that she's been involved in- I wish I knew- since long before I learned that she even had a secret. At the time, I wished that I'd kept stalking her after she commanded me to stop, but that honestly wasn't particularly successful either. It could be that by distracting her with the task of avoiding me, I somehow accelerated whatever collapse was occurring in her life.

I had vaguely intended to break down her door and ransack her apartment for clues, perhaps get a look at that egg-shaped widget she was dowsing with when I caught her that one time. Doubtless I would have found a way to do just that and gotten myself in deep trouble until the 13th came around again, but to my growing surprise, she was home and invited me inside.

"Have you come to molest me, Reiji-kun? I've already fallen, after all."

How to explain the expression on her face as she said that? With no spirit in her eyes and no hope in her voice, as if something had come along and broken her since she left school the day before. I had the feeling that if she'd stabbed me in the heart or fed me poison after that moment, I'd been sufficiently warned so I'd have no right to complain, but the kind of person who would turn back having gone so far cannot be called a man.

"Now more than ever, I want to save you, Tomoe-san. Even if you don't believe me, even if it's unbelieveable, I want to know what's happening so that I can be a source of strength for you."

"I wished to be saved once before, but that wish came with a price. Only because I wished not to die alone, I was given work that will keep me alone forever. If you think you've been given a miracle, how would you expect me to pay for it? I can't even do the job I already have... that girl only leaves familiars behind."

Who? What? I could not afford to let my lack of comprehension sway me.

"I don't require any payment. It is enough for me if only you do not vanish. If you live and shine on in my sight, even if I can only see you from a distance, that is all I would ask. If you only tell me what trouble you're in, I will do anything I can imagine to help you overcome it."

"In that case, kiss me."

What? When a girl who doesn't like you suddenly asks for a kiss with tears streaming down her face, it's the man who doesn't hesitate who is really trash.

"Kiss me! Show me the truth of your feelings! If you can prove that I'm not alone, then I'll have the strength to keep fighting! If you intend to grant my wish, then make me fall in love here and now, Yuzuru Reiji!"

He who hesitates is lost. He who does not hesitate is also lost. At least I can be proud that I damned myself by acting. It was my first time ever trying to kiss a girl. I'm pretty sure it was her first kiss too. Maybe if I get a chance to try it again, I'll be able to figure out what went wrong and what I could do better. For right now, I'm just gonna mention those people who say that a kiss tastes like cherries or feels like warm apple pie: those people are liars.

I dared to think for a moment that I'd done what she asked. For a short, deeply deluded moment, I was convinced that I could be the white knight who would solve all of her problems. And then she started crying again.

"It's not fair! Yuzuru-kun, it just isn't fair! Why, even when we tried so hard, I didn't feel a thing!"

She must have had more than one of those egg-shaped things, because the thing on her table that started shrieking right then was pure black and somehow balanced on the end of a needle. Then it cracked open and exploded, as a result of which I died. Or at least, that's what sense I've made of my memories. The part where the world around me distorted into a barely recognizeable collage of random colors and objects, and then I was torn apart by a demon... I can't imagine those were anything other than the hallucinations of a mortally damaged brain.

Which brings me back to where I am now. Time is repeating itself. I've come out of a scenario that ended in my own death with only 'that girl' and 'familiars' to add to my list of mysteries. As I recall these things, tears are running down my own face, and I'm deeply afraid that I might really be going insane.

Even though it was not the truth the first time, or even the third time I confessed to her, I, Yuzuru Reiji, have fallen in love with Tomoe Mami.

**Thursday March 17, 2011, fifth time.**

If there's one resource I definitely have, that would be time. I can assume at this point that time will repeat until certain conditions are met. In order to have a future that might potentially include the girl I love, I need to escape from this time loop and she needs to survive. Even if I had a guaranteed way of winning her love on the first day, a relationship that only one side can remember isn't a relationship at all.

My grades have gone up since time started repeating, but that's mostly because of the repetition. I don't think I've actually gotten smarter. I'm healthy, but not an ace athlete. I've got some experience stalking people, that might come a little in handy, and I've determined that I can borrow one or two of dad's tools and carry it with me for an extended period of time without anyone noticing. I was able to draw a picture of the bomb that killed us last time. My art won't win any contests, but maybe I can find someone who at least knows what it is. As a last resort, I can expect time to reset even if I die. These are my resources.

Time Loop. The Disappearance of Tomoe Mami. Dowsing. Egg-shaped Bomb. Familiars. Transfer Student. These are all mysteries.

The transfer student isn't a good lead at all. As I recall, she had just gotten out of the hospital, so when she didn't appear last time she probably just got sick again. Tomoe-san still probably knows more about what's going on than anyone else I can think of, but she probably won't just tell me if I ask.

She won't tell me if I ask... But if I surprise her, convince her that I know more than I do, I might learn something new.

**Saturday March 19, 2011, fifth time.**

I feel like I've really surpassed myself on this one. It took pretty much all of the money I had saved, plus I owe Takenomiya a couple of favors now, but I've got a school uniform I can wear that isn't from any of the local schools. More important, it's got a black jacket, black pants, and a white collar shirt and tie, so with a little luck she might mistake me for a butler or G-man. If I bleach my hair and wear sunglasses, that should be enough to keep her from recognizing my face.

Huh, I've basically put together a transformation set, haven't I? I don't feel all that crazy at the moment, but just going by my actions, aren't I sliding dangerously towards batshit insane?

Whatever. If even I think I'm acting crazy, maybe this'll be crazy enough to work.

**Sunday March 20, 2011, fifth time.**

Apparently my plan wasn't crazy enough to work. I should have imagined that a pretty girl in whatever shady business she's gotten involved with wouldn't be easily shaken by an ordinary boy, no matter how outlandish his behavior. In any event, knowing that she has a habit of staying out late, I had plenty of time to apply my disguise before going to her home to wait for her.

"You are Tomoe Mami, are you not?"

"If you're not sure, perhaps you should talk to somebody else."

As expected of the Frozen Golden Sun, but I wasn't ready to give up just yet.

"I've been sent here regarding issues with your work. Do you think it is acceptable to only be dealing with familiars?"

"I haven't been having any particular trouble... but before that, don't you think you should answer for yourself? I'd like to know where a boy, of all people, learned about familiars and witches."

"Unfortunately, I cannot reveal my sources. I am only here to receive your report."

"I see. Your uniform isn't from anywhere in Mitakihara... if I had to guess whose territory your from, it would have to be that Kyouko, wouldn't it? Sending clueless a boy to say things he doesn't understand isn't really like her."

The object of my love can be quite a scary person.

"I- I really can't say."

"You poor boy, don't you even know the name of the person who sent you? If this isn't some sick prank, you should tell her to at least come in person if she wants something from me. I don't have so much spare time that I can waste time talking business with someone who is obviously uninvolved."

"What makes you so sure that I'm uninvolved?"

"There's no way that a boy could become a magical girl. And there's no magical girl who has time for boys. You'd do well to remember that."

She ended the conversation by walking away. It was painful to have her treat me as an enemy, but at least I learned something new. Now I just have to figure out what to do with it.

**Monday March 21, 2011, fifth time.**

"Don't look now, but the Unconquered Gold is giving you the evil eye." Leave it to Takenomiya to state the obvious. Last night's stunt may have worked at the time, since it was dark and she probably hadn't had a reason to pay attention to me before now, but it was basically guaranteed that I'd be exposed after coming to school.

"If I've done something to anger her, I'm sure I don't know what."

"Y'know, Yuzuru, I've been watching her since the start of the year. She's turned down over twenty confessions, but afterward she acts like it never happened. If you don't get your story out, people are going to assume the worst."

"Maybe she doesn't like bleached hair?"

It's not like the girls can't hear us, having lunch in different parts of the same room. I tried to win her love when I didn't actually want it, and I learned nothing. If I have to make her hate me so that she'll tell me what I need to know to save her, then isn't that the manly thing to do?

**Thursday March 24, 2011, fifth time.**

As it happened, I had to keep playing dumb for a few days.

"Do you have a moment?" This wasn't really a question. The person asking, none other than Tomoe herself, had placed herself in my path as I intentionally left the classroom after everyone else.

She had me follow her up to the roof for our confrontation.

"It seems that Kyouko has never heard of you. And you certainly aren't from out of town. Care to explain yourself?"

"I've never heard of her, either. I got that school uniform from a friend who didn't ask why I wanted it. As for why I wanted it, I needed information and thought that deceiving you might be a good way to get it, because I knew that you were involved in something dangerous and I didn't know what. The only things I've seen for myself are your strange egg, and this." I handed her my drawing of the black egg. "It's apparently a dangerous item to possess."

"Do you think that this would make me trust you?"

"Not particularly. But even if you won't trust or rely on me, there should be others whom you can confide in. There's no reason you should have to push yourself too far and put yourself alone in danger."

"This isn't something that outsiders should be involved in. If someone was chosen by Cubay, perhaps... but something like that would never happen to a boy."

"And magical girls have no time for boys. That much I understand. I, on the other hand, have nothing but time. Whoever this 'Kyu-Bei' is, and what it means that you're a magical girl, I'm confident that I can find out eventually."

"Don't. Getting involved with magical girls means putting your life in danger."

"Isn't that a little hypocritical? I may not know the details, but I'm not going to let a girl who puts her own life in danger tell me not to risk mine."

This time, I made sure to get the last word in. She might be angry with me again tomorrow, but everything I learn now can become a weapon in the future. I'm still going to save her, but it seems I'll have to solve this mystery without her help first.

What does she mean by 'magic', I wonder? Even if I've confirmed the existence of time travel, it's kind of a broad topic.


	3. Do you think this is some kind of joke?

**Friday March 25, 2011, fifth time.**

Tomoe isn't glaring daggers at my back anymore. It seems that if I'm not involved with her personal enemies, then I'm not worth being angry at either. Well, not that she's speaking to me either, but I won't pretend it's not a load off my mind.

This time, I'm paying proper attention to the rumor mill, if only to confirm the presence of a transfer student in class 2-2. It seems I needn't have worried. Not only is she present, she's making big waves. Doesn't anybody think it's odd that a girl who's supposedly been hospitalised with heart disease for the last six months has a record-breaking sprint on her first day?

I can't afford to ignore this.

**Saturday March 26, 2011, fifth time.**

Not that anyone should praise him for it, but as long as we're at school Takenomiya's ability to get information about girls is first class. I'll have to pay the price of everyone knowing that I went looking for the transfer student, but it turns out someone saw her heading for the roof.

I find her up there with two other girls. I remember talking to one of them in a previous loop; she's cowering behind her friend. Perhaps I'll need to talk to them eventually too, but for now the transfer student seems to be leaving them, and she can't use the stairs without passing me.

"Am I interupting something? I heard that the transfer student was up here. Have you seen her?"

"Did you have something to say to me?"

She doesn't break her stride. I proceed down the stairs with her as we continue talking.

"Oh, I'm sorry... I didn't recognize you without your glasses." Which so far as I can tell you haven't worn at all in this loop, I do not add.

"So? What do you want?"

"Oh, I've been having feelings of deja vu about a lot of people lately, so I just was wondering if you remembered me."

"If that's a pick-up line, you should be aware that I won't fall for it."

"I could be mistaken. The person I was expecting certainly wore glasses. I had the feeling that I ran into that person, along with one of those girls from up on the roof, outside a certain person's apartment at one time. If you don't remember, perhaps it didn't happen."

"It must be unfortunate to remember things that never happened."

"Yeah, it really is. My life is getting a little less real all the time. Like just yesterday, I heard about a girl who came to school on her first day after six months in a hospital bed and beat the school record for sprinting. That was so unreal... one might even call it 'magic'. I wonder-"

This girl who is trying to brush me off suddenly turns to face me.

"I don't know who you think you are, but-"

"Yuzuru Reiji of class 3-1. And even if you deny it, I'm pretty sure you're a magical girl like someone else I know. And if you know what's going to happen to her, or if you're somehow behind it? I'm going to find out. I can promise you that."

I didn't give her a chance to answer.

Before all this started, I was just trying to live an ordinary life. The time loop let me notice some things that nobody would have ordinarily noticed, but it wasn't as if I could do anything about them. Nor could I ignore them. And if that makes a magical girl or a bunch of magical girls angry, it's their own fault for pissing off a time traveler.

**Sunday March 27, 2011, fifth time.**

I never did visit the transfer student after I found out her address last time, but this time I won't make that mistake. She leaves early in the day, much as Tomoe does, but unlike Tomoe she doesn't let her guard down just because we're not at school. Trying to stalk her is fruitless. She doesn't return before I give up surveilance, and Tomoe isn't in when I visit her.

Tomorrow is another day.

**Monday March 28, 2011, fifth time.**

I'm angrier than I've ever been. I held it in the entire day after Tomoe didn't show up for class, but only because this time I have a magical girl to confront. Perhaps because I'm too late to do anything, I get lucky. I catch the transfer student leaving the gates and follow her a suitable distance before confronting her.

"Transfer student!"

She didn't turn or slow down. Actually, she quickened her stride.

"What business could I have with you, I wonder?"

"You know exactly what, 'magical girl'! What have you done to Tomoe Mami?"

"Me? I didn't do anything to her. Actually, I was quite tied up last night."

"Do you think this is some kind of joke? Even if you've got 'magic', I've got an advantage nobody else can imagine! Whether I have to tell the truth, or lie, or tell the truth sometimes and lie at others, I'll repeat the process as many time as it takes, so you might as well just spill it!"

"It seems that you're the one who thinks this is a game. You can't just go back and choose differently once you've done something, and you're better off not pushing your luck in any case."

"I can. I've even died once, and time just turned back to March 16 again. That's how I know that you're involved with magic. I've seen the you that wasn't, and you're just too different to not be suspicious! But of course, you won't believe that. Why not just tell me the truth, and be done with listening to such a crazy story?"

Apparently, she had nothing to say to that.

"Not going to say anything? I tried to get an answer out of Tomoe once, and she didn't believe me. I told her so many times that I was in love with her that she asked me to prove it in her darkest hour. I failed, but it never would have mattered, because one of those black eggs exploded and probably killed us both. And then my lie became the truth, now that only I remember it. Isn't that crazy?"

"...it's not crazy."

It was like someone had flipped a switch in her personality. This was not the cool and confident magical girl I'd come here to confront, but the shy transfer student I'd met only once.

"Wait, what? It took the whole month repeating twice to make me believe it, and I'm the one it happened to. You know me even less than Tomoe-san did, and she never believed me either."

"In that case, shouldn't you offer some proof?"

Just like that, she was back to her current normal self.

"That's the hard part, isn't it? It's not like I can go back to those times and bring back a souvenir, and I never really talked to you or tried to learn your secrets. That Takenomiya, on the other hand, I heard he did some crazy backflip stunt trying to impress you, caught himself on a track hurdle, and his shoe came off and hit you. That was practically a fixed event. It happened three times."

"In that case, you heard wrong."

"Because it never happened in this timeline, yes."

"No, it's because I dodged it the third time."


	4. So this is what they call 'Magic'

**Tuesday March 29, 2011, fifth time.**

All magical girls have to fight witches, but that doesn't mean they get along with each other. I had already learned this from speaking with Tomoe-san, but it seems that time travelers have similar problems. Just because Akemi Homura is repeating the same four weeks that I am doesn't mean that we can work together.

She has no interest in saving Tomoe-san, for one thing. She also doesn't care whether I myself live or die, so long as she accomplishes her objective. And of course, the power of 'magic' isn't something that an ordinary human can hope to fight against.

Mostly, it's the fact that Akemi is the one who has been turning back time. There's one particular person she's trying to save, and so long as she accomplishes that, the time loop will end. Eventually, the future will come whether I do anything or not, and she doesn't believe I could be anything but a burden.

So I should just give up? Who the hell would do something like that?

Apparently the witches that magical girls hunt hide themselves in spaces that can be found only with magic. They lure humans into those places and kill them. Akemi told me this to convince me that getting further involved would be effectively suicide, but she doesn't know me any better than I know her.

I may not be able to oppose a witch as a human, but also because I'm a human, I'll never be able to find one except by luck. Magical girls can find witches much more reliably, but it's not as if they aren't in danger when they do find them. It seems Tomoe-san was actually killed by a witch in this timeline, and she's one of the stronger magical girls.

I'd say that makes my chances about even. Even if it's my life, it's not like I'm risking anything that those magical girls aren't. And having followed Tomoe-san when she was looking for witches, I have a reasonable idea of what kinds of places to look.

The kind of person who backs down just because his life is in danger can't be called a man. Even if I don't know yet what a human can do to help a magical girl, I am going to find a way to do it!

**Tuesday April 5, 2011, fifth time.**

After a lot of fruitless wandering, I finally stumbled into their world. Even knowing that a witch was something a normal person could actually encounter, this was hard to do even when I was trying. I assume that I was observed doing this by the very magical girls I was hoping to encounter, but in the last week none of them saw fit to try and stop me. Perhaps they could see plainly that I would find nothing in the places they saw me, or maybe they just didn't care.

It shouldn't be any kind of surprise that when I stumbled upon her phantasmagoria in a construction site, at a place where I'd lost track of Tomoe-san in the previous loop, the witch whose body looked like a girl praying before an altar would have killed me simply for being in her presence. No, without a doubt she drew me in with her 'curse' and made what was about to happen seem reasonable.

I was saved by a swordswoman in a white cape. The witch had many arms, and and each ended with the head and fanged mouth of a serpent. These reached out to me, growing seamlessly from her back, and I perfectly complacent, when that girl appeared and skewered them with her magical weapons.

Faster than a human. Stronger, more resiliant. Able to create weapons from thin air. There was obviously no way a human could resist such a creature, and the witch was still stronger. My perspective may have been a little skewed by the influence of the witch's mark on my mind, and actually at the time I was cheering on the monster who fully intended to kill me once this distraction was taken care of.

However, her human friend, whom she had brought with her for no reason I could fathom, seemed to share mine and the witch's evaluation of who was the stronger. Or at least, she thought as we did that the fight was over when the swordswoman was encased and in the process of being crushed by a wooden growth that suddenly erupted from the witch's back.

Another magical girl saved her, a spearwoman in red whom I'd never met before. She told the swordswoman outright that she was weak, but girl in the white cape would have none of it, and charged into the witch's waiting arms. Had I been in her position, I'd have certainly died. Nothing human could hope to recover from being skewered in so many places even if they weren't torn apart outright. Bewitched as I was at the time, I actually begrudged her the attention. But not only did she survive, she pressed the attack, even though she suffered more wounds that should have at least distracted her.

Just before she struck the killing blow, she revealed to all of us that she was supressing her own ability to feel pain.

It seems people normally suffer memory loss when they're freed from a witch's control. Usually they lose consciousness or get hysterical. Pondering calmly out loud, saying something like: "So this is what they call 'magic'..." is simply unheard of.

The swordswoman and her human friend- I thought now that I understood just how great a difference there was between a human and a magical girl- had greater concerns to deal with than me, but the spearwoman, Sakura Kyouko, had me explain to her how I knew about magic, that I had known Tomoe Mami, and that despite my disguise, which I'd started wearing again to protect Mitakihara's reputation, I was not from a school in the town Kyouko had recently come from.

She had no more interest in telling me about magic than any other person I'd talked to. She left once she'd satisfied her own curiosity, and I never saw her again.

**Friday April 8, 2011, fifth time.**

I never imagined that the one to tell me the truth about magical girls would be another human. Actually, having finally encountered a witch and recognized my own powerlessness, I'd lost sight of my objectives for a while. I coasted through classes on my memories of the previous loops, and between classes I sought out the isolation of the school roof.

I never come up here, normally. Almost nobody does. It's not as if it's forbidden or anything, you can see the sun and a lot of the city, but for some reason not only is it not a popular place, you can practically count on it to be empty. And for the last two days, it was just me and my thoughts.

Today, there is also a girl. I hear her before I see her, coming out of the stairwell behind me to the single bench that is the only thing up here other than the fence and the view.

Did the world feel so empty before?

"Is it okay if I sit here?"

"Doesn't bother me."

I should at least look at her, I tell myself. Ignoring a girl without a good reason, that wouldn't be manly. I try to manage a smile that I'm not really feeling.

Pink hair, tied with red ribbons. Not ugly, but not beautiful either. A little cute. She looks bummed like she's had about the same kind of month I have, though I've had that month almost five times now.

"Come to think of it, didn't I run into you a couple of days ago? Inside that invisible maze?" I could be wrong, but I'm honestly beyond caring. "Sorry about the stuff I said then. I wasn't exactly in control of myself."

She looks at me, tries to smile.

"It's okay. We could see you had the witch's kiss, so what you were doing wasn't your fault."

"A kiss, was it? I'm still responsible for the fact that I was there to be kissed in the first place. If it hadn't been for you girls, I would have..." No point in finishing that thought, really. "Say, is your friend okay? She looked kind of beat after that."

She started sobbing. I felt like I'd been kicked in the gut, sort of. I guess there's something in me that just reacts to seeing that I've made a girl cry, like that time when- but it's not the time to be thinking about myself. I had to do something for her. I had to.

"I'm sorry! I didn't realise- no, I was completely thinking of myself too much! I should never have asked such a question!"

"No," she didn't stop sobbing. "It's a normal question. There's no reason you shouldn't have asked... Just... Sayaka, she... and then Kyouko... we tried so hard to save her and it didn't help at all!"

"Uh... you don't have to tell me if you don't want to. It was obviously painful for you. I've only seen a tiny bit of what you magical girls have to deal with, but what I did see was horrible."

"I- I'm not a magical girl. I could become one, but all this time I've been too afraid. Even if I could have a wish granted, even if I could be of help to people, it's just too hard to think of anything that would be worth doing something so awful."

"Fighting witches seems like nasty business. Since they're super powerful and all."

"Well, Cubay- no, Incubator- he says I'd be the strongest magical girl ever. More powerful than anyone ever before... but that just makes it even more scary!"

"That doesn't actually sound so bad, though."

"Not at first, but magical girls don't fight witches just because they agreed to do it. A magical girl's soul is actually in the soul gem that Incubator makes when he grants her wish. It makes it so she doesn't die even if something really terrible happens to her body, but... without a grief seed, which you can only get by killing a witch, the soul gem can't be cleansed and it gradually goes dark. Then the magical girl becomes a witch herself."

"Crap... And that Incubator bastard, he said you'd be invincible even as a magical girl... Would you tell me what he looks like? I think I owe him a beating several times over by now."

"Well, he's sitting over there, but..."

She pointed to an empty corner of the roof.

"One of those things that can't be seen by humans, eh? I wonder if he knows what this gesture means?"

"That's probably not a good idea..."

"I've been doing a lot of stupid and dangerous things lately. Cowering in fear of some invisible bogeyman, what kind of man am I?"

"Uh... It's okay if you're still a boy, right?"

I guess I shouldn't have expected a girl to understand my manly spirit. At least she'd calmed down enough to stop crying.

"Y'know, I didn't really come up here looking for answers, but you've been a tremendous help. I feel like I'm starting to get an idea of what I can do now. Is there anything you'd like me to do for you?"

"No... actually, just being able to talk about it makes me feel a little better."

"Well, if you want to talk again sometime, I'm in class 3-1. My name's Yuzuru Reiji."

"I'm Madoka. Kaname Madoka."

I thanked her and headed back down the stairs. The end of time is in five days.


	5. The one thing a human can do

**Saturday April 9, 2011, fifth time.**

Today I learned a secret I didn't know I had.

To begin with, it seems my parents are more observant than I gave them credit for. Rather than just let me come home at my own pace as they usually would, they caught me as I was leaving school and had me come home directly. Even if I told them what I've been up to and why, it wouldn't help, so I endured it as they told me that this is a very important time for me, that I should focus on my grades before anything else, and that staying out makes them worry. Everyone gets lectures like this occasionally.

What everyone does not learn is the next thing my mother told me.

"I know it may not seem like much to you now, but your father and I are very worried for you. The way you've been acting lately is almost how your sister was, just before she disappeared."

I had a sister?

"I guess it's not surprising that you don't remember, since it was so long ago. It's been just over twelve years now, and you were barely more than a baby. A lot of children don't get to like a new baby, but she took to you so fast... always doting on you, always protecting you. And then, one day... she just disappeared."

They had more to say, of course, but after that I was hardly paying attention. They had pictures of me as a toddler playing with my sister, who was a teenager, and pictures of either of us alone or with them. This was a person who definitely existed, who wished for my happiness and safety so strongly that anyone could see it.

There will never be any proof, but there is no doubt in my mind that because of that wish, my big sister Ruiko took on the burden of the magical girl.

**Sunday April 10, 2011, fifth time.**

As I thought, that girl was at her house for once. Since we both know the timing of the final event, it was obvious that she'd be doing her heaviest planning now. What I did not expect was the state of her house.

An entire wall had been devoted to data displays regarding the witch, Walpurgisnacht, and where she would appear on Wednesday. Other information related to magical girls in general, and at least one image was a map of events in the various timelines. I would have liked to see that in particular more closely, but Akemi shut it off.

"As you can see, I'm extremely busy, but I'm willing to compromise. I'll allow you to stay and talk, but you'll have to pay with your body."

Surely she doesn't mean...

"The contents of these buckets need to be mixed at a 3:1 ratio and separated into portions of about 400mL. Consistancy and accuracy are more important than speed, but if you can do it quickly that would be particularly helpful."

"Oh. Okay."

If she had some idea what I was thinking, she gave no indication.

"Also, take care not to spill any. I'd rather not have my home catch fire."

"Catch fire? What on Earth are you having me do?"

She pointed to a supply of loose wires and plastic piping, and some bags of things less recognizable.

"This is the simplest step in manufacturing bombs. I need as many as I can make, and there isn't much time left. That's the only reason I let you in."

Well, even if it's a little odd, it doesn't seem unfair. I start working as I continue to ask questions.

"These are for fighting witches, right? I thought you magical girls could just make stuff appear."

"That ability has limitations, depending on the person. I find it useful to have other weapons."

"So human means can hurt a witch."

"Don't start thinking that there's any place for you on that battlefield. If you tried to fight a witch with something like this, you'd fall under her control and blow yourself up."

"Ah... I guess you heard about what happened Tuesday."

"I was watching."

"And you just let it happen?"

"I don't like doing unnecessary things."

I looked up from my task for a moment.

"You're talking to me."

"You're paying with labor. Get back to it or I'll kick you out."

"Sorry. I've been spending a lot of time thinking about how much I owe to magic, and what I can do to help."

"You don't owe us anything. In the unlikely event that Cubay shows himself to you, you shouldn't think of yourself as owing him anything either."

"I can't agree with that. I definitely owe him a very painful beating."

"He hasn't done anything to you directly. I don't disagree that he deserves it, but the right to inflict retribution belongs to those of us who have been tricked into making contracts with him."

"I'm pretty sure he turned my sister into a magical girl. She disappeared a long time ago."

"Even so, you shouldn't feel obligated to take revenge for her. Especially since you are helpless to do so."

"I'm doing something right now, aren't I? It's not the first thing that came to mind, but this is something a human can do."

"You're still thinking of interfering, aren't you? Don't. There are doubtless people who care about you in the human world, and the only thing you can do inside a witch's barrier is die."

I finished pouring the last mixture, and looked up again. Akemi shook her head.

"It seems you've reached the limit of what you can do for me. Please consider my warning after you leave."

"One more question. Is Kaname Madoka the person you're trying to save?"

She didn't answer, but that was answer enough.

**Tuesday April 12, 2011, fifth time.**

Nightmares are nothing new to me... that was what I thought. I think I heard someone say that we dream the same things that we think about during the day, and that might be at least a little true since my dreams have gone from bad to worse since this started.

I saw myself back with Tomoe Mami, right after I saw her became a witch. Her new form is a headless woman in a golden cage. She asks me to prove my feelings to her again, but I cannot kiss a girl without a head. She starts to tear me apart, but my sister comes and saves me. Then I notice that my arm is floating in space some distance away from me, trailing blood in zero gravity. I wonder why I don't feel any pain, and a voice invades my head to answer, "Because we have a contract."

I wake up in a cold sweat, panicked and wondering where my soul is. It takes me a few moments to remember a soul isn't something a normal person could lose track of.

I think I'm really losing it now, but in less than a day it probably won't matter.

Too unsettled to sleep, I review in my mind what I know and what I mean to do. What I've learned and what I've prepared. I force myself to acknowledge that I am well and truly out of my depth, but I retain my determination. There is still something I can do.

Tomoe Mami is already dead in this timeline, therefore I have failed to save her. Accepting this does not mean that I've given up on her. I'm just being honest with myself. Akemi Homura might turn back time again, but she also might die or become a witch herself. The risk of that will remain no matter how many time we go back to the start.

That's a practical reason why I shouldn't sabotage her. It would also be inconvenient to become her enemy in general terms, since I'd rather not invent the possibility that a magical girl might decide to start off every March 16 by hunting me down and killing me. Again, this is being practical.

That is calculating things like that invisible bastard. The real reason I shouldn't sabotage her is because it would be reprehensible. Sure, I'm not entirely innocent. I have become a stalker, a bully, and many times over a liar... but... actually, how do I distinguish myself from him? Because I have not been successful? Because I can never wield the power of magic? No, good and evil are not set apart by methods or results. Neither Kaname Madoka nor Akemi Homura deserve to be sacrificed. Nor do any others.

That's right. There are any number of people who are still worth saving. I have failed, but my failure can never be complete as long as there is something left to protect!

I have my disguise uniform cleaned and ready to go. I've got a steel hammer that fits in one of the large jacket pockets. I know what a magical girl's true form looks like, and what she looks like when she's about to become a witch. I've seen on a map where the most powerful witch who is not Kaname Madoka will make her appearance, and I have a plan for getting myself there.

There is one thing a human can do to save a magical girl. As I try to will myself back to sleep, I hope with all my being that it doesn't come to that.

**Wednesday April 13, 2011, fifth time.**

Needless to say, I had somewhere more important to be than school today. I left home as if it was a normal day, but as soon as was out of sight I put on my disguise and made for the place that was marked on Akemi's map. Of course, nobody important is going to be fooled by my disguise anymore, but if I can at least look like I'm from out of town, I might not have to worry as much that someone will accuse me of being truant. Though of course that's exactly what I am.

When I got to the building, I couldn't stop myself from laughing. It's like some higher power wanted to turn our trials into a grand joke. The place where Akemi Homura goes to meet her destiny and start time over? It's a clocktower. All that remained was to wait. I'd have to be pretty far off the mark to miss either of them now.

"It seems that you did not heed my warning."

"Then you should have warned me when we first met, outside Tomoe's apartment. Once I fell in love with a magical girl, I could no longer remain uninvolved."

"If you intend to interfere, I won't show any mercy."

"I know you think I'm a fool, but I don't intend to pick a fight I can't win. I'm just here to do as much as a human can do, for you, and for that other girl who's coming after you. Don't misunderstand: I didn't invite her here or anything, but don't you think that invisible bastard is another matter?"

"You could aid the Incubator and force me to turn time back again. Tomoe Mami would live again for a little while, and you'd have another chance to win her heart."

"Do you think she'd fall in love with the kind of man who would do that? I'd be lying if I said I hadn't thought of it, but I'm sure that bastard would suggest the same thing if he felt like showing himself to me. I don't want to give up on the girl I love, but if I became his ally I'd be a failure as a human being! I don't intend to get in your way. Just... if circumstances lead you to turn back time again, perhaps we could work together? Maybe we could both save the ones we love."

She never gave me an answer. Perhaps she just decided to save her energy for the wicked witch at the top of the tower.

Once she's gone, I pull out the hammer from my pocket and swing it a couple of times. It helps me feel a little more confident, like I could smash something with it if I had to. "Dangerous place like this, a man's gotta have a weapon, right?"

It didn't take long for the other girl to show up.

"Yuzuru-san?" She looked surprised.

"I'm not here to stop you or tell you what to do. That invisible bastard is here too, isn't he?" I held the hammer up for her to see. "If he tries to force you into something, you can just tell me where to hit."

"I- I..."

"Didn't I just say you don't have to answer to me, Kaname Madoka? I just feel like I need to see this thing happen with my own eyes, y'know? We may only be humans, but there's no way we're uninvolved now."

I followed Madoka up the stairs.

It's fair to say that much, isn't it? Can't I say that I haven't given up, and that I didn't force my will on the one person who could still turn back? Haven't I kept the right to call myself a man?

If my sister could see this, would she be proud of me?


End file.
